Whew! Well the school year is off and running! The teachers of Central and Southeastern Texas all got a new student this week! His name is Harvey. Harvey is a very disruptive child. All things being equal….Harvey is an asshole! No better way to start the school year off then with a Hurricane! As I am writing this the waters around Houston are receding and gas prices, if you can find any gas, are increasing. Special shout out to all you panic inducing morons on Facebook. Thank you for creating a crisis where there wasn’t one…JACK WAGONS! I can’t think of a better way to start off this school year than having a crisis, or should I say the appearance of a crisis.
The idea that we have a gas crisis in Texas is farcical. Only a handful of companies are actually experiencing gas shortages because of the refinery in Houston not being able to get supplies out. The Texas Railroad Commissioner has stated that there is no crisis. There are millions of barrels in reserve elsewhere throughout the state of Texas. He would know this better than John Q. Jackwagon and his wife Dumbassa. Yet, social media morons created a panic and now Texans act as if the Apocalypse itself was about to happen. THIS IS THE BEST TIME TO TEACH! Real world examples of social studies concepts, psychology, sociology, being brought together with those who wrote our history and how they responded to events in their time.
Speaking of teaching…
I am really enjoying this first week of school! I got some very interesting kids. My greatest challenge has been one of communication. I have two students who do not speak a single word of English or read English. I have dealt with these issues before and I know they can be successful. That and the skill gaps these kids have are immense in some of my classes. This too is an increasing challenge. I remember a student from long ago that attempted to draw the Mississippi river. I asked him, “So, the Mississippi river starts in Brownsville and runs north to Dallas?” He said yes. I said, “So, I grew up near St. Louis. Therefore, I must have grown up near Lake Superior?” He shook his head yes as well. Who knew that my whole upbringing was based on lies! I should probably say geographical misconceptions.
Speaking of misconceptions…
One of the first things I give my students each year is a sheet of paper with four boxes on each side. The four boxes have questions that they need to answer about what and how we will be learning, teacher expectations who I am and so on. Then using primary and secondary sources from my life and the classroom, they write the answers to these questions. Before they are sent on this scavenger hunt, I have them answer the following question: “What have you heard about your teacher prior to today? If you have never heard of me what is your first impression?” What follows next are the best of the best statements that I have read this year combined with other things kids have said before:
-“I heard you were a Navy Seal. But you look out of shape to be one.”
-“I heard you were mean.”
-“You yell. A Lot. We can hear you through the walls.”
-“You have the skulls of former students locked in your cabinet.”
-“My friend had you last year and told me you are strict, in a loose way.”
-“He likes to do anything more than the minimum.”
-“He is conductive.” ( I am electrifying!)
-“You are scary.”
-“He don’t play.”
-“You suck at math.”
-“He like Hulk. You won’t like him when he angry.”
-“He has a chicken face.”
-“My mom thinks you’re hot.”
-“Thinks he cool, but ain’t.”
-“Don’t ask him to play music in class…he listens to Mom music.”
-“You like to drink the tears of students.”
-“You care very much about the kids in your class.”
-“My brother said you had a friend named Boobs.” (Let me clarify this one…my friend’s nickname is Booms.)
-“Can definitely see you getting eaten by spiders one day.”
-“I was told you are a more than average white person, like White plus.” (I don’t know if that is good or bad.)
-“When I told my old English teacher that I had you, she said that she is sorry for that. I don’t think people like you.” (Nothing like team work.)
–“I saw you at the grocery store. You were buying Beer. I told my dad that you were my teacher. He said you must be a good one, because you had good taste in Beer.”
As always, thank you for reading Tales From The Red Pen. I look forward to your comments and for my subscribers! We are now 117 strong! Please share with others. Let the Red Pen grow! Thank you for your patience, it was labor day yesterday so I took a day off from posting. Until next week…I bid you Adieu!